Postcard #6 – Revising

5 Crows Silver, 6 Crows Gold
5 Crows Silver, 6 Crows Gold

I had this idea I could whip through creating the second draft of my book.  I’ve got a month.  The first draft is pretty good.  No problem.  I can do this.

Hmmmm.

I am revising my idea of revising.  Like, I maybe should expect that this second draft will take me as long as writing the first draft.  The first three weeks of April have shown me this.

I admit it.  I am a virgin when it comes to second drafts.  I mean, I was a virgin.  Can’t claim, and blame, that any longer.

I am in the messy midst of second draft, and I am enjoying it.  A different process than first draft.  I am pickier.  Rather than ‘let’s get this down’, it is ‘let’s get this right.’  I am playing with words in a different way.  I am studying them, drop by drop, rather than pouring out a whole bucketful of water onto the page and moving quickly to the next page to pour another bucketful.

First draft was falling in love with a crowd.  Second draft is loving the individual beauty of a word, phrase, sentence, and hearing how they link and don’t link to those beside them.  Second draft is choosing the particular beauty I want my book to be, and matching all to this.

I still love the parts that don’t link up, that don’t match this single beauty.  I see their different beauty, and know they will fit somewhere else, some other time.  I put them aside.

I’ve had to adjust my word goal for Camp Nanowrimo.  Downwards.  Make it smaller.  Doable.  That is alright.  I am learning a new writing process, my revision process, and this is exciting.

So, a toast.  Raise your coffee mugs, tea cups, wineglasses, and all.  Here’s to a longer revision process.  Here’s to getting it right, and to particular beauty.  Here’s to second drafts and being a writer.

________________________

Mentioned in this post:

Camp Nanowrimo     http://campnanowrimo.org

 

It’s not complicated

Everything I Know About the Human Heart Part 3 - Cat Fink
Everything I Know About The Human Heart Part 3

I have a question.  Why do I complicate things?

I was re-listening to a webcast of THEO and Sheila and Marcus Gillette, about radical self-love.  I first discovered THEO on Jennifer McLean’s ‘Healing With The Masters’ series.  Their work, and Jennifer’s, helped me heal my fibromyalgia.

This webcast is a call-in radio show.  I hear the questions people ask, some questions an exact echo of my own.

I am struck by the contrast between simple and complicated.

A few people who call in get straight to the point and ask their question.  Most people don’t.  They give a long back story then, finally, ask their question.  I recognize that I belong to the back story group.  I feel I have to tell what led to my problem or confusion, justify myself, skirt all around the thing I am wanting answered, and then ask my question.

Why do I dance around?  Why can’t I just walk straight to the point?

There is something in me that does not like not-having-the-answer-myself.  Thus, all the dancing.  This way I can show how much I already know and everything I have tried.  I can show I’m not stupid or lazy.  Except that is not the point.  The point is asking for help.  It is my ego showing off so that it can be comfortable later saying ‘I don’t know, please help me.’

Better and quicker and more honest to just say, this is my question, please help me find the answer.

The other reason for the dancing?  I know the answer already and I don’t like it.  Resistance to what I know I need to do or change.  So I am hoping someone will give me a different answer that I will like better.

I am making something simple into something complicated.  If I make it complicated enough, I might be able to hide my resistance in the tangles.

Except, my path is choosing love.  Love means honesty for myself.  Accept the truth of the answer I have, or accept the truth that I need help to get to an answer.  Go straight to the heart of the matter.  Go straight to my heart.  Stand in the love I have for myself and see the truth of what I am doing.  Then choose through love.  There is my answer.  It’s not complicated.

Here is an example.

I’ve been trying to make building my blog all complicated.  Fretting over how I should begin and what I should choose as my first post.  It’s my ego behind all this fretting, chattering at me ‘we have to be impressive, we have to catch people’s attention, we have to sound wise and important…’  My ego talks a lot.  She sounds exactly like Lucy in ‘A Charlie Brown Christmas’.  I am learning to ignore her because much of what she says in not useful.  She likes complicated.  She thinks complicated equals important.

My heart and spirit go for simple.  They always go for the truth.  They tell me ‘write about what I am discovering and learning’.  Write about what has healed me and what is healing me.  Write about knowing and trusting, choosing and creating.  Write about love and loving.  Write about my heroes, the people whose work is teaching me how to heal.

There it is, the path my heart and spirit lay open for me.  I choose simple.

Mentioned in this post:

THEO and Sheila and Marcus Gillette  www.asktheo.com

Jennifer McLean ‘Healing With The Masters’  healingwiththemasters.com