Sunny With Cloudy Breaks

rainbow.flowers 017How happy am I allowed to be?

This question has been coming up since the weekend.  I’m not getting anywhere thinking about it, so I am writing about it instead.

I had an awesome good Sunday.  Everything and everyone was sweet in some way.  Basically, I swam in joy all day, no matter what I was doing.  Play or household tasks (there were a few), it made no difference to my mood.  I sailed through the day, fair winds prevailing.

I woke Monday feeling the opposite.  Monday, my mood was resistance and struggle, no matter what I was doing.  Reading?  I love reading.  Monday, I could not find a book that satisfied me, and I have a lot of books.  Word puzzles?  I love those too.  Monday, I had no patience for them.  They made me feel angry instead.

Monday’s mood continued on and off, mostly on, through Tuesday and Wednesday.  Today I have had enough of this miserable weather.  I am writing it out of me and onto the page where I can see it.

Something happened after the sweet Sunday.  Something said I’d used up my quota of happiness, and I turned off the flow.

Yes, I did that to myself.  I am the one who chooses how I feel about everything in my life.  Here, now, I can either choose to find ways and help to lift my mood, or not.

How happy am I allowed to be?  How happy do I let myself be?

These are not the same question.  The first implies someone else puts the cap on my happiness.  The second says I own the happiness control in my life.

My heart is my happiness control.  I learned how to open my heart to love, and I know how this feels.  I also know how my closed heart feels.  Sunday, my heart was open to life.  Monday, I closed down and stayed closed.  I was missing my Dad, and it hurt too much so I closed my heart.

That simple.  I closed my heart, and then all felt like struggle.

Enough struggle.  I have an idea about my happiness level.  Yes, I miss my Dad fiercely, and I also love him fiercely.  So, I choose I can miss him and love him at the same time.  Let my heart be open to both feelings.  My heart is big.  It can handle it.  I know how much Dad loved me and still loves me though he’s not here in body.  I feel it every day, and I love him right back.

I choose.  I give myself permission to be happy as much and as often as I please.  I give myself permission to not be okay when I need to not be okay.  Be happy and be sad, and let my heart play fully with all in my life.  Not bittersweet.  Sadsweet, and more sweet than sad because the love is so huge.

I feel sunny again.  There are clouds too, but fair winds prevail and the clouds will pass.

_______________________

In this post:

I learned how to open my heart to love through Dee Wallace’s Red Dot exercise, and I wrote about it here   https://catfinkknowtrustchoosecreate.com/2014/12/23/   and here   https://catfinkknowtrustchoosecreate.com/2014/12/24/  ,  with Dee’s permission.

You rock, Dee!  Thanks, with love as always.  https://iamdeewallace.com/

Creating in the key of love

 

Cat Fink--'Blackbird Dance (what is and what could be)'
Blackbird Dance (what is and what could be)

Know.  Trust.  Choose.  Create.  This is what I do every day to consciously create my life.  Small things, like a conveniently placed parking spot or a table in my favourite cafe.  Big things, like an artist residency.

Some of my creations take time, like the artist residency.  I keep watch for the things that support it, and act on them.  I am building my creation, and the path to it.  Each action fitted to the next.

I have a partner in this.  I call my partner Source, or God, or the Great Creator, or the One Energy, or the Universe.  Source loves creating.  Source is creation energy, whole and complete.

What I am doing takes love, lots of it.  It takes attention, wide and inviting, open and allowing.  The more I do this, the more I love, the better I get at creating my life, and the better my life gets.

Here is what Dee Wallace says in her weekly e-blast, January 26, 2015, about what gets in the way of creating my life:

‘Whenever you feel out of sorts or imbalanced, ask yourself these four guiding questions:

-Am I in love with myself in this moment?

-Am I loving others in this moment?

-Am I here, in the present, or worrying about the future or the past?

-Am I remembering I am my own creator? Or have I given my creation away to something or someone else in this moment?’

Dee is talking about paying attention and making conscious choices.  I choose I love myself and others, unconditionally.  I choose I am here always in this present moment.  I choose I create my life.  I don’t just choose these things.  I feel them, all the way through me.

Creation, for me, is like music.  When the singers and the musical instruments are in tune and in time with each other, the music flows through me, clear, sweet, warm to my senses, and the song is created.

When one or more of the singers and instruments sound the wrong note, are off-key or off-timing, the music stutters and sours and jars me.  The song and the flow of the song are marred or stopped.  The song is created differently than it was intended, or stops being created altogether.

Creating my life moves exactly like creating music.  Harmony, timing, flow.  It is intention, attention, and the energy of love I am playing with.  It is Source as my partner, each of us in harmony with the other through love.

Know.  Trust.  Choose.  Create.  This is what I do.

Know.  Feel the earth under my feet and feel the breath in my body.  Let my thoughts slow until the feeling in my body takes the place of the words in my head.  Here.  This quiet place.  Feel the love I have for myself, open, full, unconditional.  Let it fill all the space that I am.  I am only and all Love.

Trust.  Let the love for myself spill beyond me, out into the world, the Universe around me.  Wide.  Accepting and allowing all.  Love.  Unconditional.

Choose.  Let my awareness be here now, chosen and grounded in this love and this moment, focused on the intention of my creation.  Feel my creation with all of my senses here in front of me, created out of love.

Create.  Feel surely and completely I am this unconditional love, I am the creator of my life and all in it.  My love, my attention and intention, my clear choosing, and my loving knowing, here and now.  This energy.  This music.  This song.  Love creates me.  I create love.  I choose this.

I choose love.

Know.  Trust.  Choose.  Create.  I choose this song.

______________________

Mentioned in this post:

Dee Wallace.  https://iamdeewallace.com/.  Dee’s new book Getting Stuff: Everything is Possible is about creating through love.  A clear, detailed, easy read.  Get it, read it, and go create your life!

Thank you, big sister Dee, for inspiring this blog post.

Choose Love, Choose Love

Everything I Know About The Human Heart Part 2
Everything I Know About The Human Heart Part 2

 

(In honour of Valentine’s Day on February 14th, I’m reposting a lesson I learned about love.)

Choose love.  It should be something that comes naturally.  For me, not always,  although I am getting better at this.  Somewhere in my growing up, I unlearned choosing love.  The words that follow tell how I am moving back to choosing through love and for love.  Let me tell you a story from 2013……

 Red Dots

I have been working online and by phone with Dee Wallace and Jarrad Hewett for the last five months.  I am part of a large group, more than one hundred of us, international.  We are doing ‘Let the Shift Hit the Fan II’, a ten month program of inner work, energy and intuition.  We are learning to hear our own voices above the clamour of those around us.  Learning to trust what we feel and know for ourselves.  Learning to make choices and act on those choices.  Learning to create our lives consciously.  We are returning, each of us, to our true selves.  This is what has sparked my constant mantra of ‘know, trust, choose, create’.

Dee’s channel is telling us we need to learn to develop our focus on feeling love.  They give us what we call ‘the Red Dot Exercise’.  This exercise seems a bit silly at first, has us laughing about it, that we are loving a red dot on a piece of paper.  Then we realize it is working.

This is the Red Dot Exercise we have been given:

‘Make a red dot on a piece of paper.

Drop into your heart center, open your heart, and find a strong experience of love.  Feel the joy and unconditional love of that moment.  Allow that feeling to expand.

Now for thirty seconds, five times a day, for two weeks, practice sending that love to your red dot.  Become one with it.  Practice detachment from sending and being this experience of love.  Just feel love for your red dot.  Leave the thinking and judging aside.  Just feel.

For the next two weeks, do the same, knowing that the red dot is simply self-love.  EXPECT NOTHING.  It is just the practice of sending and BEING the love.

For the final two weeks, you can choose that the dot represents something: money/health, etc., and send love.  All feeling, no thinking.  SEE IF YOU CAN STILL DO THE EXERCISE WITH NO ATTACHMENT.  You are simply BEING Love around whatever subject you choose.  You are realizing that the state of love IS that which you have chosen.

It is suggested that this become a way of life.  This is not a temporary exercise.

Feel this shift in your heart and your gut.  YOU ARE the energy that is the Love.’

I am midpoint in this Shift work and I am seeing and feeling the changes I am creating for myself.  Dee, Jarrad, and their channels have my trust.

I find a pad of yellow sticky notes and a red pencil.  I make my bright red dot and stick it eye height on the wall above my studio desk.  I cannot miss it.  I will remember to do this five times a day, no problem, since I am in and out of my studio frequently.

Actually.  Yes.  Problem.  I go into my studio for something.  I see the red dot.  I say to Continue reading “Choose Love, Choose Love”