I have a secret agent who helps me create. ‘’Call me Pages, Morning Pages,’’ she says, and smiles. She holds sharpened pencils in one hand, sheets of paper in the other.
Yes, I am talking about Julia Cameron’s invention, morning pages. Three handwritten pages, whatever comes to mind, each day before I move to the writing or drawing, coaching or blogging. Letting my mind wander. Letting thoughts surface and have their say. Letting emotions move through me, easily or not. Letting beliefs and memories show up to say ‘notice me’. Planning to do this, then this, and this.
I’ve been writing morning pages for years, since October 1994 to be precise. Not constantly, but mostly, daily. They show me who I am in this moment, where I have been, where I am going, where I’d like to go and what I’d like to do.
These daily pages are my place to gripe loudly and to discover inspiration. Yes, both, sometimes the first leading to the second. Funny that, and true. Reassuring that I can be off balance, feel it, then move on and into my creative self, the clouds having cleared.
This, for me, is why morning pages are my secret agent. They clear my way to walk into my creative self, whatever I am doing this day. Pages open me to a clear mind and a clear heart, pair my mind and heart so they partner each other in whatever I am creating.
This is when my writing, drawing, coaching, and blogging are their best. This is when my mind and heart speak as one voice. Try this, they say, and I do.
What comes of this mind-heart partnership are choices, actions, and creations that connect me to other people, heart and mind to heart and mind. Connection, communication, understanding. Realizations that are clear, heart-felt, accepting, inspired, wise.
I have my days of resisting my morning pages, even now after twenty-two years. I don’t feel like it. I’m too tired. I’m too lazy. I want to go direct to my creating and not waste any time. I need to get other things done.
I have lots of excuses.
None are valid.
I know better, yet I will use the excuse of the day and not write my pages. I move straight to my creating, bringing with me a mind hazy with complaints and cluttered with random thoughts, a heart holding unexpressed emotions that should have been felt and acknowledged.
For me, this is not the way in which to create. What I do this day will likely need to be undone tomorrow. I know this from long experience. Yet still, once in a while, I have to test it again and choose to ignore writing my morning pages.
What is this resistance, this obstinate choice I occasionally make?
I think I do this to remind myself of why I write my pages. I re-experience how I feel and think and the not-quality creating that results from a hazy, cluttered, random mind and heart that are not working together.
Today, before I wrote this post, I wrote my morning pages. True, they were more like noon pages. That is alright. The pages got written. The blog post got created. And all is right in my world because my secret agent was on the job today.
‘‘Call me Pages, Morning Pages.’’
Mentioned in this post:
Julie Cameron’s morning pages, from The Artist’s Way, Tarcher-Putman, 1992, pages 9 -18. http://juliacameronlive.com/
Morning pages also move me past my internal critic. https://catfinkknowtrustchoosecreate.com/2016/03/31/writing-past-the-internal-critic