I’m doing my morning pages. I write ‘Thursday, blog day.’ Immediately I hear my mind comment, I feel tired. Then my body chimes in, yes, tired.
Uh huh. I’ve heard this before. I do not believe it. It’s a scam to stop me from writing.
I keep writing.
I write about Dr. Amit Goswami and his mantra. Do. Be. Do. Be.
And then I put together the I-feel-tired with the do-be-do-be, and I get it.
I am tired of Doing. I am tired of Should’s.
There are more than enough Should’s in my life. Something in me is trying to make my writing a Should. That’s a really bad idea.
Should’s are have-to’s. I should eat vegetables and not candy. I should exercise daily. I should cook dinner and wash the dishes. I should be kind and share what I have.
There is something in me that rebels at Should, that feels pushed into doing something and right away pushes back. Even when I know the Should helps me, makes my life easier, offers a kindness to another, lets me feel better, I sometimes have this instinct to shove back and say no, not doing it. My inner two-year-old in action.
Except, sometimes the urge to rebel is telling me to pay attention. The Should doesn’t fit my life, I need to choose differently. The Should doesn’t belong to me, it’s someone else’s expectation or need.
Today, I realize, I am pushing at all the Should’s in my life.
‘All’ is a big clue.
I’ve been doing a lot of doing. Too much. Time to stop doing.
It’s time to be.
Being means slowing down. Breathing deep and letting my shoulders drop to relaxation level. Feeling the chair underneath me. Feeling my feet resting on the wood floor. Hearing the clock humming, and the clicking of my solar-powered Japanese Lucky Cat as she waves her white plastic paw at me. Feeling the noon sun on my chest, my arms, my hands.
Breathing deep again.
I am here, present in my life at this moment. Open hearted. Words falling through to the page. Imagining. Creating.
Yes, here it is. My ultimate way to be. Daydreaming. Imagining. Curious. Following ideas like Alice after the white rabbit. Writing. Drawing. Creating.
This is play, pleasure, joy and love and sheer delight. This is me.
Doctor Goswami got it right. When I move my life between doing and being, I have balance. I feel settled. There is no push back at the Should’s because I spend equal time in the midst of being. The joy and play of being carries me through the Should’s of my day.
It’s Thursday, blog day. This gives me joy. And I already know the joy will continue to hum in the background of doing dinner, dishes, a grocery list for tomorrow’s shopping. Nothing in me is rebelling or pushing. I am too busy being.
In the post:
This is one of the ways I use Doctor Goswami’s do-be-do-be-do. You can read his discussion of alternating action and relaxed incubation on page 97 of his book Quantum Creativity, Hay House, 2014.