I am writing this post in the midst of controlled chaos. Namely, I am packing. Everything.
Last time I wrote I had just decluttered and sold my home. I did not have a new home to go to yet. Now I do. I also have a moving date, so I am packing with a purpose. The perfect thing about having already decluttered? No decisions to make about what to keep and what to let go. No decisions complicated by memories or by dreams yet to be fulfilled. That bit is already done. Yay!
I have a new home with my perfect, amazing, big-with-awesome-light studio. This is the studio I have been imagining since I began art school. Twenty-one years of imagining have created me this wondrous place. There is room for my writing desk and reference books. Room for my art table and easel and supply shelves. For my library. An area with sink and tiled floor for mucky projects. Storage space.
I saw a studio like this, owned by a master artist, a few years into my art practice. Always I have remembered it. Now I have one like it.
A blessing. A gift of abundance.
I am dancing inside.
I’ve heard tales of artists and writers who freeze up when they finally have the creation space of their dreams. Like somehow the expectations of results have been upped beyond what they can easily deal with, and it scares them into silence.
I’m mentioning this because when I first walked into this space I said out loud, “Too big.” It scared me, this huge lovely space made for creating. This perfect space that could be mine, and I was rejecting it. This space I had imagined, and I was turning my back on it.
But something interesting happened as I turned my back. I caught myself in the middle of no. I felt the abundance being offered me here in this light-filled space. I stopped, and I began to laugh. I began to feel joy. I began to dance with the possibilities of creating image and word right here. Right here.
In that moment, something unpacked itself and I saw it clearly. Old beliefs limiting my worth, my abilities, what I do and don’t deserve, what I can offer through my creativity, how big or small I should be. For the first time, these old beliefs stood fully in the light, and I discovered they are not mine any more.
Oh, I know their ghosts may still show up once in a while, as I create in my new studio. That’s okay. They no longer have the same power over me. When I see my beliefs clearly, I know what to do with them and how to handle the feelings they carry. I have choice. They won’t stay long, and I’ll wave goodbye as they leave.
Then I’ll go right back to creating.
A note re unpacking limiting beliefs:
Jennifer McLean teaches a gentle and effective method of releasing old beliefs, emotions, experiences, and trauma. Spontaneous Transformation Technique (STT) is an easy and quick process to learn and to use. I know, from personal experience, how beautifully it works in clearing creativity blocks and glitches that slow us down and limit our creative lives. As a Certified Level 2 Spontaneous Transformation Technique Practitioner, I use STT’s powerful process in my creativity workshops and coaching. This link will take you to Jennifer’s information page. http://go.spontaneoustransformation.com/powerhealing