Embracing My Inner Teenager (Tantrum Part 2)

What Gives Me Joy Nov 17 2016 (maps)

The wabi sabi human is here, and she is bored.

I’ve shifted from my inner two-year-old’s tantrum (last week), to my inner teenager’s boredom.

I am bored.  I know these words and this feeling.  I used to be here a lot when I was a teenager and figuring out my life.

I’ve not felt bored for a very long time.  I’ve been busy creating word and image and mostly happy about it.  I’ve had perfect successes and perfect failures.  I’ve learned and grown as a creator.

And then, Bang!  I’m in a week-long tantrum.  And then, Pop!  My two-year-old morphs into a teenager who keeps saying ‘I am bored.’

Boredom is interesting.  That sounds like an oxymoron (love that word), but it isn’t.  I am curious about this feeling of boredom.

What I am thinking:

  1. Boredom and my previous tantrum are really the same thing.
  2. What am I bored with?  And why?
  3. This boredom is an aspect of my creative process and a piece of my creativity.
  4. My morning pages show me I am tired of pushing myself.

I have four puzzle pieces to play with, and here is the picture they are making.  I’ve realized the pushing is towards intentions that are not completely aligned with what I love and how I create.  It’s taking me out of alignment with my heart (where my best work comes from) and my process (how my best work grows and completes itself).

This is Big.  If I had not gone into tantrum and boredom, I wouldn’t have slowed down enough to see this.

Boredom is now an interesting open space.  I need to go exploring, and I need to be completely honest with myself.  If not, I’ll be lost.  What is it I want?  I have to answer this not influenced by what others are doing or wanting or judging.  One hundred percent my choice, my desire, what I love, how I create.  One hundred percent my path, which is not the same as anyone else’s path.

My inner two-year-old and my inner teenager are joining me in this exploration (they’re excited!).  They spotted the problem and yelled at me until I noticed, so I know they’ll be excellent travelling companions.  My two-year-old is clear about what feels right and what doesn’t.  My teenager is clear about what she loves and what she doesn’t.  Neither of them overthink things.  For them, it is all about the feeling.

My creativity is a heart path.  It starts with feeling.

Feel, then ask myself the right questions to move the feeling into something actionable.

Before I wrote today’s post, I went hunting in my studio library and came up with Julia Cameron’s book ‘Supplies: A Troubleshooting Guide for Creative Difficulties’.  I’ve been using this book since 2003.  Julia asks great questions.  I have my book open to page 122, ‘The Black Gypsy and True North’.

My True North.  That’s where I am heading.

Here is what I know from the past two weeks.  Tantrums and boredom are allies to my creative process.  They are sign posts, and I ignore them at my peril.  They are not comfortable, but they do not lie to me.  I just need to be willing to notice, stop, and listen with an open heart.


In this post:

Julia Cameron, book ‘Supplies: A Troubleshooting Guide for Creative Difficulties’,  Jeremy P. Tarcher/Putnam, 2003.  http://juliacameronlive.com/

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