My heart is a map. Where I have been. Where I am now. Where I am going.
It’s not a paper map, identical each time I unfold it to find my way. It is simple to know where I am on a paper map. The roads and pattern are always the same. I see my place clearly, and mark it with an X. I am Here.
My heart is the map of my life. Like all maps, I must know where I am right now in order to journey to where I want to be. To find my way on this map, I open my heart, and feel. Where am I now? Is it love, excitement, anger, sadness, joy, wonder, jealousy? So many emotional places, I cannot name them all. Ah, here I am. Mark it with my X. Homesick.
Is this where I want to be, in this place of homesick? No, not really. It doesn’t feel good, and I prefer ‘feel good’. Don’t we all.
I have learned that clearly feeling where I am gives me information. This place on the map of my heart, homesick, tells me I am longing for something, a something not fulfilled by where I am in my life at this moment.
This is what I do to find my way from homesick.
I let myself feel. My heart is already open. I keep it open, and let this place of homesick come alive fully in my heart, head, body and spirit. They speak to me through my senses, my memories, my imagination. What do they show me?
I see my son. I hear my Mom’s and Dad’s voices. I smell the soup prepared by my friend, taste the wine poured by my husband. My bare feet feel the backyard grass, fresh cut and spikey.
This is my longing. Where I want to be. In the presence and love of these people, the familiarity of my own backyard. I have been busy and away. It is time to change this and travel from homesick to love, both physically and emotionally.
The map of my heart always steers me true. If I am willing to open and feel where I am now, the knowing of where I need to go comes to me.
I may need to travel on my own power to this next place, or I may need to ask for help. The journey may be emotional, physical, mental, spiritual, or a combination of these. I might travel my way with companions, partners, friends, family. When I open my heart, this map of my life, and let myself feel with my whole self, I know what to choose and what to do. I know my next right step.
May we all walk in beauty, following the map of our hearts.