A friend tells me I have a heart like velvet. Soft, warm, beautiful to touch. I like that.
The last three days, though, I have a heart of barbed wire. All thorn and cold steel string around an empty space. What happened?
Mostly, life happened, and I fell out of my way of being. I fell out of my heart. Crashed. Bits of me all over the place. I hate chaos (yes, hate is the right word) and suddenly here I am, all chaos.
I know I learn from everything I experience. Right now, I am learning to keep my balance. Life gives me a push sideways or backwards, trips me up, and like one of those toys with the roly poly bottom, I rock myself back upright.
That’s the theory, anyways.
My barbed wire heart is too heavy to let me tip back up again. Its weight is keeping me off balance. The barbs are sticking me to thoughts and feelings I do not want and do not like. Old patterns, old reactions.
Two weeks ago in ‘Sunshine’ I wrote about all that was crashing into people I love. Now I am answering for a second time the question I asked then. How do I stay sunshine when this is happening?