Make it better

 

Old Coyote Trick (sticks and stones)
Old Coyote Trick (sticks and stones)

 

I say these words every morning.

I choose I release yesterday.  I let go.  I let be.  I give up.  I give away.  I forgive.  I release all.

Forgive.  Release.

I hate being wrong.  I have been this way a long time, and I can tell that there are layers to this hate-being-wrong thing.  The layer I am seeing right now is about forgiveness and letting go.  This is about pride that damages me and holds me stuck in place, sad, angry, in emotional pain that I can’t see clear to letting go, even when I know I have to.

It is like the words I wrote in my sketch book:

I see your fence, don’t like it,

build my own, make us small.

Judgements, expectations,

mine, yours.

Not how we are meant to be.

Take down my fence (burn it).

Breathe us big,

pat your fence (like a friendly dog)

and walk around.

I know this is not how I am meant to be, stuck in my pride.  I know I need to burn that fence and reach towards the person who I have hurt or who has hurt me.

Release.  Forgive.

I believe we are each other’s angels.  That I have the power to make it better for someone every day.  I have to choose to do this, and sometimes I don’t.  I don’t say what could be said or don’t do what could be done.  All it may be is a door held open or a smile offered.  The moment where I could offer something that makes it better for someone else is lost so quickly.  I may not get another chance that day.

If I am lucky or blessed, another opportunity does arise, and I choose this time to speak or act.  The thing is, when I choose to be someone else’s angel, the words and action also make it better for me.  I know this, but still, I don’t make the choice.

Forgive.  Release.

Not making a choice is still choosing.  I have chosen not to act or speak.  I have chosen not to let the light in just that little bit.  Apparently, I would rather stay in the dark, hurting.

What is stopping me from choosing?

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