Drop your idea and follow your story

Laid To Rest 80,000 Obstructing Spirits (south)
Laid To Rest 80,000 Obstructing Spirits (south)

 

I spent Boxing Day reading a book by Gail Carson Levine called ‘Writing Magic’.  I found it in the kids section of the bookstore.  The back of the book says for ages 8 and up.  I was 8 years old once.  Still feel like it at Christmas.  So I bought the book and the one that follows it, too, ‘Writer to Writer’.

Gail says ‘drop your idea and follow your story wherever it takes you’.  And she is right.

Gail is writing about writing.  When I read this, I hear it as more than that.  I hear it as advice for living my life.

Drop my idea and follow my story.  These words chime in me, bells singing out ‘Listen’.  So I am listening.  This is what I hear.

I have ideas about how my life should be.  Some of these ideas help.  They give me things to reach for.  Like at 8 years old, I knew I was both writer and artist rolled into one.  Then, some years later, I heard other ideas from other people about how artists never have money to live on and writers go crazy.  So after my first year of fine arts at college, I switched to business administration.  I followed someone else’s ideas instead of my story.

I know my life would be different now, if I had followed my story rather than taking a detour.  I never lost the story in me.  I circled back to artist and writer, carrying all kinds of other skills and experiences into my creating.

Drop my ideas—expectations, judgments, comparisons, rules, resistance, arguments.  Much of this I hear from others.  I take on other people’s values, judgments, expectations of me and my world, and accept them as mine.  Some I create all on my own.  Let that go.  Yes, drop it all.

Follow my story—my intuition, what I love, what speaks to me in my heart, the words and images that ring clear for me, sending shivers across my skin and through my body.  This is me.  This is my story.  Choose these things that ring true for me.

Resonance is what I am feeling.  I could say follow my music, the song I hear.  My song is different from everyone else’s.  If I don’t listen and follow it, create from it, no one else will, because no one else hears this song.

What a loss for all of us when we don’t let others hear their own song and create from it.  What a loss when we don’t listen to our own song and let it sing clear through to creation.

Gail is right.

Drop your idea and follow your story wherever it takes you.

Let yourself sing so we all can hear.

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Mentioned in this post:

Gail Carson Levine    www.gailcarsonlevine.com  and  gailcarsonlevine.blogspot.ca  Thanks, Gail, for the inspiration!

 

Trusting my story

Laid To Rest 80,000 Obstructing Spirits (east)
Laid To Rest 80,000 Obstructing Spirits (east)

 

I have discovered something that I have been doing all of my life.  I didn’t have a name for it before.  Now I do.

I argue with life.

Four words.  That’s all it takes to sum up my frequent attitude to life.  I would like to say my former attitude to life, but that would not be true.  I am learning a lot of things about trust and love and choice.  That is true.  But I still argue, resist, fight, turn my back, ignore, refuse, shut my eyes, say NO on a regular basis.

I don’t like this about myself.  Being in ‘no’ is not fun.  It closes all kinds of doors for me, and for others.  It builds walls and fences that are not necessary.  It closes my heart to life.

‘No’ is a safety mechanism for me.  If I say no right away to something that is new, that I don’t understand, that might not feel comfortable or that I might not like, I give myself time to look at what was offered without having to accept or be touched by any of it.

I have this idea I can change ‘no’ to ‘yes’ later, whenever I want to.  For some things I can.  For other things, what life offers me needs a ‘yes’ right now.

I need to work on trusting my story.  I need to create a story for me that tells me I am safe, I am loved, I am supported and partnered and blessed by life, by the Universe, by God, by the One Energy, by the Great Creator, now and always.  I need a story that allows me to say ‘yes’ and open my heart to my life, rather than argue.

Start where I am.  In my studio, writing, jazz music in the background (Art Pepper Meets the Rhythm Section, ‘Star Eyes’, in case you are wondering).  The winter sun is coming through the windows.  My feet are cold; should have put my slippers on.  My studio is at the end of the house farthest from the wood stove so the floor gets cold in December.  There, the slippers are on.

Right here, right now, so many things that I love and that support me in my life.

My studio.

Writing (talking to you).

Music.

Sunlight.

Heat from the wood stove (mmmmm).

Warm slippers for cold feet.

This.  This is my story.  Stop, look around me, see and feel what I love, right here, right now.  Yes, I am safe, loved, support, partnered, blessed.

Next time I have the urge to argue with my life, I will choose this instead.  I will choose to pause, open my eyes and see what is here loving and supporting me.  I will choose to trust my story.

I might even say yes.

The Red Dot Exercise

 

Everything I Know About The Human Heart Part 1
Everything I Know About The Human Heart Part 1

 

In ‘Choose love’, yesterday’s post, I tell the story of my experience using Dee Wallace’s Red Dot Exercise.  Here is the exercise again, from the link in Dee’s weekly Monday e-blast.  You can sign up for Dee’s e-blast at iamdeewallace.com.

‘First of all, you must drop into your heart center, open your heart, and find that experience of love.  Allow it to expand.  Feel the joy and unconditional love of that moment.  Now for 30 seconds, 5 times a day, for two weeks, practice sending that love to the red dot.  Become one with it.   Practice detachment from sending and being this experience of love.  For the next two weeks, do the same, knowing that the red dot is simply self-love.  EXPECT NOTHING.  It is just the practice of sending and BEING the love.  For the final two weeks, you can choose that the dot represents something: money/health, etc.  SEE IF YOU CAN STILL DO THE EXERCISE WITH NO ATTACHMENT.  You are simply BEING Love around whatever subject you choose.  You are realizing that the state of love IS that which you have chosen.  It is suggested that this become a way of life.  This is not a temporary exercise.  Feel this shift in your heart and your gut.  YOU ARE the energy that is the Love.’

Notes on what I have learned:

Make yourself a red dot on a piece of paper like I did.  My dot is ½ inch across, large enough that I can see it easily.  I used a bright red so that the colour attracted my attention.

Yes, I still have my red dot taped to my studio wall above my desk where I am writing now.  Seeing it reminds me to just be love.  It reminds me that I choose love as my way of being in this world, no matter what I am experiencing in the moment.

When I choose from a place of love, my choice creates good for myself and all around me.  I have experienced this so often that I now just know it and trust it, even if I don’t see evidence of it right away.  It has taken time for me to reach this trust.  It slips away from me occasionally when I am not paying attention.  That is why my red dot is still on my wall.

Continue reading “The Red Dot Exercise”

Choose love

Everything I Know About The Human Heart Part 2
Everything I Know About The Human Heart Part 2

 

Choose love.  It should be something that comes naturally.  For me, not always,  although I am getting better at this.  Somewhere in my growing up, I unlearned choosing love.  The words that follow tell how I am moving back to choosing through love and for love.  Let me tell you a story……

 Red Dots

I have been working online and by phone with Dee Wallace and Jarrad Hewett for the last five months.  I am part of a large group, more than one hundred of us, international.  We are doing ‘Let the Shift Hit the Fan II’, a ten month program of inner work, energy and intuition.  We are learning to hear our own voices above the clamour of those around us.  Learning to trust what we feel and know for ourselves.  Learning to make choices and act on those choices.  Learning to create our lives consciously.  We are returning, each of us, to our true selves.  This is what has sparked my constant mantra of ‘know, trust, choose, create’.

Dee’s channel is telling us we need to learn to develop our focus on feeling love.  They give us what we call ‘the Red Dot Exercise’.  This exercise seems a bit silly at first, has us laughing about it, that we are loving a red dot on a piece of paper.  Then we realize it is working.

This is the Red Dot Exercise we have been given:

‘Make a red dot on a piece of paper.

Drop into your heart center, open your heart, and find a strong experience of love.  Feel the joy and unconditional love of that moment.  Allow that feeling to expand.

Now for thirty seconds, five times a day, for two weeks, practice sending that love to your red dot.  Become one with it.  Practice detachment from sending and being this experience of love.  Just feel love for your red dot.  Leave the thinking and judging aside.  Just feel.

For the next two weeks, do the same, knowing that the red dot is simply self-love.  EXPECT NOTHING.  It is just the practice of sending and BEING the love.

For the final two weeks, you can choose that the dot represents something: money/health, etc., and send love.  All feeling, no thinking.  SEE IF YOU CAN STILL DO THE EXERCISE WITH NO ATTACHMENT.  You are simply BEING Love around whatever subject you choose.  You are realizing that the state of love IS that which you have chosen.

It is suggested that this become a way of life.  This is not a temporary exercise.

Feel this shift in your heart and your gut.  YOU ARE the energy that is the Love.’

I am midpoint in this Shift work and I am seeing and feeling the changes I am creating for myself.  Dee, Jarrad, and their channels have my trust.

Continue reading “Choose love”

Make it better

 

Old Coyote Trick (sticks and stones)
Old Coyote Trick (sticks and stones)

 

I say these words every morning.

I choose I release yesterday.  I let go.  I let be.  I give up.  I give away.  I forgive.  I release all.

Forgive.  Release.

I hate being wrong.  I have been this way a long time, and I can tell that there are layers to this hate-being-wrong thing.  The layer I am seeing right now is about forgiveness and letting go.  This is about pride that damages me and holds me stuck in place, sad, angry, in emotional pain that I can’t see clear to letting go, even when I know I have to.

It is like the words I wrote in my sketch book:

I see your fence, don’t like it,

build my own, make us small.

Judgements, expectations,

mine, yours.

Not how we are meant to be.

Take down my fence (burn it).

Breathe us big,

pat your fence (like a friendly dog)

and walk around.

I know this is not how I am meant to be, stuck in my pride.  I know I need to burn that fence and reach towards the person who I have hurt or who has hurt me.

Release.  Forgive.

I believe we are each other’s angels.  That I have the power to make it better for someone every day.  I have to choose to do this, and sometimes I don’t.  I don’t say what could be said or don’t do what could be done.  All it may be is a door held open or a smile offered.  The moment where I could offer something that makes it better for someone else is lost so quickly.  I may not get another chance that day.

If I am lucky or blessed, another opportunity does arise, and I choose this time to speak or act.  The thing is, when I choose to be someone else’s angel, the words and action also make it better for me.  I know this, but still, I don’t make the choice.

Forgive.  Release.

Not making a choice is still choosing.  I have chosen not to act or speak.  I have chosen not to let the light in just that little bit.  Apparently, I would rather stay in the dark, hurting.

What is stopping me from choosing?

Continue reading “Make it better”

A Dangerous Life

Archangel (Raguel)
Archangel (Raguel)

This is a dangerous life, you know, living here in this world.

 

You might have to love, and be loved.

You might have to connect, and let others connect to you.

You might have to be a friend, and have friends.

 

You might have to help, and be helped.

You might have to make mistakes, and let others make mistakes.

You might have to forgive, and be forgiven.

 

You might have to learn, and you might have to teach.

You might have to change, and let others change.

You might have to grow, and let others grow.

 

You might have to be kind and compassionate.

You might have to receive kindness and compassion.

 

You might have to listen and see.

You might have to be heard and seen, and let others be heard and seen.

 

You might have to walk a path you cannot see.

You might have to let others walk their own paths.

You might have to dream, and let others dream their own dreams.

 

You might have to open your heart, and let others open their hearts.

You might have to see your own beauty.

You might have to let others see their own beauty.

 

Yes, this is a very dangerous life.  I choose it anyways.  I choose to risk all these things.  I choose to risk all for an open heart and a path I cannot see.  I choose to be love.  I choose to be joy.

 

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To live as if all life were sacred.

To live as if all life were loved.

To live as if words meant something.

To live as if life was a promise.

To watch for beauty.

 

It’s not complicated

Everything I Know About the Human Heart Part 3 - Cat Fink
Everything I Know About The Human Heart Part 3

I have a question.  Why do I complicate things?

I was re-listening to a webcast of THEO and Sheila and Marcus Gillette, about radical self-love.  I first discovered THEO on Jennifer McLean’s ‘Healing With The Masters’ series.  Their work, and Jennifer’s, helped me heal my fibromyalgia.

This webcast is a call-in radio show.  I hear the questions people ask, some questions an exact echo of my own.

I am struck by the contrast between simple and complicated.

A few people who call in get straight to the point and ask their question.  Most people don’t.  They give a long back story then, finally, ask their question.  I recognize that I belong to the back story group.  I feel I have to tell what led to my problem or confusion, justify myself, skirt all around the thing I am wanting answered, and then ask my question.

Why do I dance around?  Why can’t I just walk straight to the point?

There is something in me that does not like not-having-the-answer-myself.  Thus, all the dancing.  This way I can show how much I already know and everything I have tried.  I can show I’m not stupid or lazy.  Except that is not the point.  The point is asking for help.  It is my ego showing off so that it can be comfortable later saying ‘I don’t know, please help me.’

Better and quicker and more honest to just say, this is my question, please help me find the answer.

The other reason for the dancing?  I know the answer already and I don’t like it.  Resistance to what I know I need to do or change.  So I am hoping someone will give me a different answer that I will like better.

I am making something simple into something complicated.  If I make it complicated enough, I might be able to hide my resistance in the tangles.

Except, my path is choosing love.  Love means honesty for myself.  Accept the truth of the answer I have, or accept the truth that I need help to get to an answer.  Go straight to the heart of the matter.  Go straight to my heart.  Stand in the love I have for myself and see the truth of what I am doing.  Then choose through love.  There is my answer.  It’s not complicated.

Here is an example.

I’ve been trying to make building my blog all complicated.  Fretting over how I should begin and what I should choose as my first post.  It’s my ego behind all this fretting, chattering at me ‘we have to be impressive, we have to catch people’s attention, we have to sound wise and important…’  My ego talks a lot.  She sounds exactly like Lucy in ‘A Charlie Brown Christmas’.  I am learning to ignore her because much of what she says in not useful.  She likes complicated.  She thinks complicated equals important.

My heart and spirit go for simple.  They always go for the truth.  They tell me ‘write about what I am discovering and learning’.  Write about what has healed me and what is healing me.  Write about knowing and trusting, choosing and creating.  Write about love and loving.  Write about my heroes, the people whose work is teaching me how to heal.

There it is, the path my heart and spirit lay open for me.  I choose simple.

Mentioned in this post:

THEO and Sheila and Marcus Gillette  www.asktheo.com

Jennifer McLean ‘Healing With The Masters’  healingwiththemasters.com